People in love make me want to vomit
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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