I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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