I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
