Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
