Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
