4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Come back. Shots need mouths.
be right there i have to get my cape
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
