I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Randomize
