a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
