nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
