we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
