i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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