Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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