I got chris browned last night
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Panties = found
Randomize
