you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
