Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
