My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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