I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
