Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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