everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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