I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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