you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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