Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
