Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
