dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
