one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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