I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think people are normalizing furries
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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