I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
