I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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