kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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