apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
