quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
