i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
