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How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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