Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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