dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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