all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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