I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
