So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
