So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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