Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Randomize
