Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
