i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
