What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
