Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
