Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I checked into jail on foursquare
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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