Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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