It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
