and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
