I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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