I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
