i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
