I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
