I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
